So You Want to Start an Irish Music Session?
Usually defined as an informal gathering of musicians for the purpose of playing traditional Irish music. Here are some guidelines for the type of people you'll need to assemble.
The Leader. Defined by the fact that he can drink the most Guinness in the shortest amount of time. He also possesses the uncanny ability to play better the drunker he gets.
The Rhythm Nazi. Usually the flute player, but sometimes the banjo player. He stomps his foot very loudly as the tune progresses, especially when the runaway train effect has started. He'll also be to one to tell you, quite loudly, that you suck and offer that you should take some goddam lessons before you play in a group.
The Beginner. Usually been playing the whistle for about a year now and is very giddy and nervous. Proudly proclaims himself to be self-taught. He talks incessantly and always tries to start every set of tunes. The Rhythm Nazi hates this guy because he's usually the one who starts the runaway train and is always asking infernal questions; he will also be the first to tell him to get a fucking teacher. The Beginner doesn't drink that much because he never shuts up.
The Obnoxious Beginner. He's been playing whatever his instrument is for about a year and feels he is an expert. Extremely vocal and opinionated, he is always looking for attention. He often uses the break between sets to play tunes he knows solo, forcing more polite players (aka, the Bodhran Player) to listen. Whenever he sits down to play, everyone gets up to get a pint. His rhythm is usually terrible because he wouldn't be caught dead actually listening to music. After about an hour of this shit, the Rhythm Nazi's head explodes.
The Chick Magnet. This is almost always the piper. Since ancient times, the sound of the uilleann pipes has hardened the nipples of girls in hamlets and villages throughout Ireland. Today, things are no different. The 'Rock Star' of the group, he is accompanied by groupies and worshippers basking in the glory that comes from learning such a magnificent instrument. He is the musician considered to have the most talent and is often revered by musicians of other instruments, particularly the flute player. Usually there is payment offered just for his presence in the group (this is where the term 'paying the piper' originated). There is typically only one piper in a session because they will fight each other until one is dead and the other shits down his neck.
The Bodhran Player. You'd think he would be the Rhythm Nazi but things haven't worked out that way. A recent addition to the modern session, he's usually a very nice guy, extremely easy-going. He often follows the rhythm of the tune, accenting it when appropriate. He's just glad to be there.
85 Flute Players. There's usually so many flute players that they have to sit sideways with their right shoulder facing the center of the circle because there's no room to sit normally. They are careful, however, NOT to crowd the piper.
The Harper. He usually brings his big-ass instrument in and sits off to one side. Very quiet and reserved, people often forget he's there because they can't hear a damn thing he's playing.
The Guitar Player. Usually a bluegrass musician who thought it'd be fun to try Irish music. The Rhythm Nazi usually spends about a half an hour explaining the chords and rhythm to him and then stomping his foot at him until he gets it right.
These are only quidelines, please feel free to experiment.
Faux Paus:
Here are some things to avoid embarrassment:
ALWAYS pay the piper. Remember, he knows more than you do. He spent years mastering a very difficult instrument, you're not even in his league.
Keep a close eye on the Guinness. If you run out, you probably won't survive the night. Send The Beginner out when things start to run low, then break his whistle when he leaves, it'll be fun watching him cry when he gets back.
Have fun, in spite of the Rhythm Nazi. His main job is to make everyone miserable, so ignore him when you can and listen to him when you must.
The Leader. Defined by the fact that he can drink the most Guinness in the shortest amount of time. He also possesses the uncanny ability to play better the drunker he gets.
The Rhythm Nazi. Usually the flute player, but sometimes the banjo player. He stomps his foot very loudly as the tune progresses, especially when the runaway train effect has started. He'll also be to one to tell you, quite loudly, that you suck and offer that you should take some goddam lessons before you play in a group.
The Beginner. Usually been playing the whistle for about a year now and is very giddy and nervous. Proudly proclaims himself to be self-taught. He talks incessantly and always tries to start every set of tunes. The Rhythm Nazi hates this guy because he's usually the one who starts the runaway train and is always asking infernal questions; he will also be the first to tell him to get a fucking teacher. The Beginner doesn't drink that much because he never shuts up.
The Obnoxious Beginner. He's been playing whatever his instrument is for about a year and feels he is an expert. Extremely vocal and opinionated, he is always looking for attention. He often uses the break between sets to play tunes he knows solo, forcing more polite players (aka, the Bodhran Player) to listen. Whenever he sits down to play, everyone gets up to get a pint. His rhythm is usually terrible because he wouldn't be caught dead actually listening to music. After about an hour of this shit, the Rhythm Nazi's head explodes.
The Chick Magnet. This is almost always the piper. Since ancient times, the sound of the uilleann pipes has hardened the nipples of girls in hamlets and villages throughout Ireland. Today, things are no different. The 'Rock Star' of the group, he is accompanied by groupies and worshippers basking in the glory that comes from learning such a magnificent instrument. He is the musician considered to have the most talent and is often revered by musicians of other instruments, particularly the flute player. Usually there is payment offered just for his presence in the group (this is where the term 'paying the piper' originated). There is typically only one piper in a session because they will fight each other until one is dead and the other shits down his neck.
The Bodhran Player. You'd think he would be the Rhythm Nazi but things haven't worked out that way. A recent addition to the modern session, he's usually a very nice guy, extremely easy-going. He often follows the rhythm of the tune, accenting it when appropriate. He's just glad to be there.
85 Flute Players. There's usually so many flute players that they have to sit sideways with their right shoulder facing the center of the circle because there's no room to sit normally. They are careful, however, NOT to crowd the piper.
The Harper. He usually brings his big-ass instrument in and sits off to one side. Very quiet and reserved, people often forget he's there because they can't hear a damn thing he's playing.
The Guitar Player. Usually a bluegrass musician who thought it'd be fun to try Irish music. The Rhythm Nazi usually spends about a half an hour explaining the chords and rhythm to him and then stomping his foot at him until he gets it right.
These are only quidelines, please feel free to experiment.
Faux Paus:
Here are some things to avoid embarrassment:
ALWAYS pay the piper. Remember, he knows more than you do. He spent years mastering a very difficult instrument, you're not even in his league.
Keep a close eye on the Guinness. If you run out, you probably won't survive the night. Send The Beginner out when things start to run low, then break his whistle when he leaves, it'll be fun watching him cry when he gets back.
Have fun, in spite of the Rhythm Nazi. His main job is to make everyone miserable, so ignore him when you can and listen to him when you must.
posted by Tony Darnell | 3:32 PM
2 Comments:
"Since ancient times, the sound of the uilleann pipes has hardened the nipples of girls in hamlets and villages throughout Ireland"
ROTFLOL!
That was fabulous! I recently found the local session in my small Northern Minnesota town. When I showed up with pipes it was definately an interesting moment of sizing up. Sadly I didn't have the Repatoire to be worshiped!
:)
Great Post
Jeremy
Post a Comment
<< Home